a stint of depression has got me down

I think I'll only be able to blog for a while today. I've got about half an hour more before I have to take the shuttle back to the stadium for our last competition of the day.

So far the count is 2 wins and 2 losses. We won Maldives and Benin and lost to Pakistan and South Africa but the losses were very close. Part of the reason why I feel so down is coz I played the final match against South Africa and I dont feel like I played well at all. The other part of the reason is coz when I started playing the final match, the Indonesian guys team came to sit and watch the match...and in the event, watch me lose. The guy that I sorta like was sitting there and he saw me play soooo badly. Dad was there too...so I have a feeling I'm gonna get lectured when I see him later.

The dude that I like likes me back. This is my china romance.I'm allowed to have one..haha...but yea...I dunno if he's ignoring me or if he's just being sweet and giving me my space but for now, he's not talking to me or even texting me. I'm not sure if he's avoiding me coz I played so badly and he feels that we arent even in the same league so he shouldnt associate himself with me. This guy won 2005's SeaGames...so obviously he's in a whole different league...I feel so ashamed with myself.

Anyhooz...so far..China is the bomb!! Things here are uber cheap and I've met so many people. A couple of days ago Coach Lu ( our old coach) flew over from Lanchang just to see us. We had dinner at this fancy seafood restaurant. Fancy China style of course. It was a bit disgusting coz the restaurant served exotic dishes like turtle, eel, snakes, silk worms, giant waterboatmen, dog, etc...I really felt kasian for the animals.

Coach Lu is supposedly married already but I'm not so sure how true that bit of information is. We met his fiance/wife alreday a couple of days ago but she doesnt quite seem to like me. I think it's because coach mentioned that I was one of his best protoges and that he was willing to fly over to melbourne to see me. But that could just be me thinking out of the box again.

Anyhooz..I think I need to get ready for my match against Kosovo later on. I need to play a helluva lot better than I did just now. Although, people have said that I've improved, I dont see it in myself. I need to push myself harder. Jia You!! I hope H talks to me. I really need him to...otherwise I'd continue to doubt myself and my ability to play. Jia You steph!!!